Before I get to the main topic for this post I have to talk about an amazing man, a good friend I got to meet recently while he had a layover in Utah. Most of you come here from Christy's blog so you know we had a chance to have lunch with Sideon. Like Eric, Sideon has been a huge support through our separation.
Every day, and usually multiple times a day, he asks how I'm doing. He's a sounding board for my feelings and helps me get to the root of my hangups and push past them. The most important thing I've learned from him, though, is to forgive myself through all of this. I don't need to beat myself up for the wild mood swings, they're a part of this huge shift in my life.
I also got to eat his pickle and let me tell you, it was damn good!
So back to the word "try."
I met with my gay ex-mo therapist yesterday and he pointed out a trend as I was explaining what had happened in the couple weeks since our last appointment. He said I kept stating that I was "trying" to move on, "trying" to manage my feelings, "trying" to exercise more.
I've never realized the impact of verbiage in my internal dialog. He said if I would start saying "I want to" do something or "I am" doing something rather than "I'm trying" to do or "I need" to do something it puts me in an action frame of mind. Just stating it in those terms I could feel a change internally away from procrastination to finding a way to accomplish the stated goal.
So I AM going to blog on a regular basis rather than Try to blog. I AM going to draw more rather than Try to draw more.
Let's see if the therapist is worth his copay.