Before I get to the main topic for this post I have to talk about an amazing man, a good friend I got to meet recently while he had a layover in Utah. Most of you come here from Christy's blog so you know we had a chance to have lunch with Sideon. Like Eric, Sideon has been a huge support through our separation.
Every day, and usually multiple times a day, he asks how I'm doing. He's a sounding board for my feelings and helps me get to the root of my hangups and push past them. The most important thing I've learned from him, though, is to forgive myself through all of this. I don't need to beat myself up for the wild mood swings, they're a part of this huge shift in my life.
I also got to eat his pickle and let me tell you, it was damn good!
So back to the word "try."
I met with my gay ex-mo therapist yesterday and he pointed out a trend as I was explaining what had happened in the couple weeks since our last appointment. He said I kept stating that I was "trying" to move on, "trying" to manage my feelings, "trying" to exercise more.
I've never realized the impact of verbiage in my internal dialog. He said if I would start saying "I want to" do something or "I am" doing something rather than "I'm trying" to do or "I need" to do something it puts me in an action frame of mind. Just stating it in those terms I could feel a change internally away from procrastination to finding a way to accomplish the stated goal.
So I AM going to blog on a regular basis rather than Try to blog. I AM going to draw more rather than Try to draw more.
Let's see if the therapist is worth his copay.
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6 comments:
Jer, you've come a long way in a short time. FWIW, I am most impressed.
Yeah, they'll get you with your word choice in therapy. "It's interesting that you used that word," is a phrase I've heard many, many times. Interesting, he's never said that to me when I've used the word "fuck," a word I use a lot in therapy. It's something I started doing way back when as a way of making myself let my guard down. Now that I speak with my guy on my official U.S. government phone, maybe I ought not use that word quite so much.
Wish I knew Sideon too. I guess two degrees of seperation will have to do for now. Let me know if there are any other gatherings in Utah because I'd like to come.
I mean, I AM coming. :)
- Brenda
I have heard this before and thought about trying it, but I guess now I should do it. :P
Thanks for the reminder, Jer.
I can't wait to meet the miraculous Sideon, or my lovely Jer, for that matter. :-)
Okay, so who wants to come live here and be my therapist?
Hoping to see some of you people when I come to the states this summer...would be SO GREAT.
Jer, you have come a long way, baby. I'm totally impressed, as Randy is. Btw, I'm also totally impressed with Randy - as even over the past year or so, I have observed what seem like really great changes...or maybe that's just my view from the cheap seats here.
Randy - Some days I feel like I'm moving backwards. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
My therapist seems to use "fuck" a lot which cracks me up. His observance seems to be spot on and I notice I'm more likely to follow through with something when I stop saying try or "need to" so much.
Brenda - You will always be welcome at any and all gatherings. I look forward to meeting again. Hopefully soon!
Lemon Blossom - I've found these concepts helpful and if someone else gets something out of them as well, all the better. I'm always happy to see comments from you here!
Wry - I can't wait to meet you as well. If you're coming to the states I'll find some way to be there, no matter where.
I've got a very long way to go but I know I'll get there eventually. I've just got to keep my head out of the past so much.
I love that word, "try." One simple word to put any action or commitment on perma-hold. In the wise words of Yoda, "do or do not, there is no 'try.'"
Dude. Bad segue for you! Going from "huge shift in my life" to "eating his pickle"?
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