Looking for Drive

Over the weekend I was unpacking from my recent move (my roommate is getting married and wants his house to himself, the NERVE!), digging in old boxes that have traveled with me since moving out of the house Christy and I shared.

In one particular box I found a bunch of my old artwork, going as far back as superhero drawings from when I was 7. (Wait until I scan and post these later this week when I get internet at home. It seems like my daughters haven't fallen far from the tree)

It even had some work I created a few years back when I was in one of my creative bursts. As typically happens when I run across some of my old drawings I stopped and realized, "You know, I'm actually pretty good at this. With some work I could really make something of this."

What typically follows is I file them away and get sucked back into life again.

You know how it is. You get home from work and you're burned out, you want to relax in front of the TV or level a character in WoW, or read a book. You don't want to put creativity and effort and energy into anything. It's exhausting just thinking, let alone doing.

This is where the separation happens between those who get what they want in life and those who settle with what is given them. You can be happy and comfortable working for the man, no doubt. I know people who find a groove in life doing something they may not love but it pays the bills and they can buy a home, a car, take vacations, and live happily. Hell, I was (and still may be) that guy.

But there's this nagging part of me that wants more, wants to get better, wants to create and wants people to see those creations. So far that part has lost out to the seemingly immovable mass of my past habits. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest. At times it seems insurmountable.

But I keep trying to find purchase in this massive wall keeping me from what I want. Some small habit I can form, some small niche to pry my way into the way I want to live, the person I want to be. I forget the motivational book I read the example but you have to start the flywheel spinning, do something to get it moving and then keep it going, day after day. Change habits, find your way out of the groove you've worn for yourself, remap neural pathways in your mind and get a new Pavlovian response going.

So where do I start?